The last two months have been really REALLY boring for me. Not having any internet access at all now, plus no money to do anything about it… it’s a giant pain in the ass. The real issue is that I don’t really want to be working full time and really far away from home right now. I can’t help but feel that the choices I have left before me are: a) Work some dead end job the rest of my life and never have enough money to support myself, let alone anyone else. b) Go into the military and let the spell of “Get out of debt” but possibly lose my life doing something I don’t believe in, and even if I do survive, I might end up totally mentally screwed up to the point of never being a functional part of society again… it’s daunting. This is why I’ve been working so hard on my legacy now, in case the 2nd choice is forced on me.
Originally, back in 2002, I thought my only choice was to go into a computer carrier in IT that I didn’t really want, just so I could make enough money quickly to start working toward my true goal of writing TV shows and living a life of creating various different kinds of art. Composing music, writing comics, directing TV shows and video games of my own creation… it’s what I’ve always wanted to do: create entertainment that I could actually give a damn about it in this washed up abyss that is the beginning of the 2010 decade. I’ve felt it for years, the mediocrity of current entertainment choices. Moments were I’ll be watching some kind of entertainment, and the irrationality of its design will drive me into mad and violent fits were I’ll pretend I’m stabbing its producer and/or writers in the eyes or something painful along those lines. This is one of the reasons I stopped watching TV almost altogether, so I wouldn’t go mad with rage. Where did I go wrong? Why did things turn out the way they did.
Going to collage was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. Going into a debt of over $36,000 to get an education that I thought would at least land me a job at some place like Best Buy’s Geek Squad, only to find out after-the-fact that I stood a better chance before going into collage to get that kind of job. I just wanted some easy computer ‘mechanic’ job to tide me by while I figured things out…
Going to collage was one of the best things I have ever done in my life. Because of it, I met my old roommate Kyle, which eventually led me to FL, which eventually lead me to working at 7-Eleven and meeting Piner. Meeting Piner and then moving in with him eventually me watching Kamen Rider…
…and watching Kamen Rider, lead to me creating not only a Rider I can call my own, but creating what could become an entire franchise that could stand apart, or even making this character be his own thing, his own, completely original thing… it’s too bad nothing in this word exist without influence from the outside. This conundrum of not being able to truly create something original has always frustrated me. Whether a story or music, everything has influence of some sort, and nothing can ever be considered original. Even Matt and Tray had to write an episode about how “Simpson’s did it.” (Which in watching said episode, I was able to open my eyes about this conundrum) But this is where we can talk about the evolution of art.
Is what I am trying to create truly an evolution, or just another take on something? How much more time and effort will I have to put into this ‘idea’ for a story before it really starts being something concrete? Even now, after having finished writing the 48/49 page pilot script for Kamen Rider Rising, it seems to be now that the most daunting task will be writing the next two episodes. I have no experience at this sort of thing, and simply revising this pilot script has been daunting in itself. Should I leave this event in, should this character know this already? These are all details I am trying to work out on my own, and so far I’ve been satisfied with the results. But at what point does revising a finished script need to be stopped, and I need to move on? How do I move on when I am trying to create an entire TV series that is more like Valkyrie Profile (with a focus on individual characters), while still maintaining the essence of a Kamen Rider series by having a plot, back-story, and trials that the main characters must have all on their own. How?
Should I create all of the characters or most of them ahead of time? Should I try a Toriyama approach and hope it all works out in the end? But is doing it either of those ways the way I would and should do it? Perhaps the clues to this are already right in front of me? I’ve already started creating a relationship chart for the Egyptian God’s that will be in this series, perhaps I need to do it for the normal people that are a part of Raymond Bright’s life? What of the method I have figured out to have random events? How do I merge this with the events I know must be in the series? Can I meet my goal of having a series that can last longer than 49 episodes, and not in some Den-O like way (My goal is a standard 49 episode series, one movie, plus a 30+ episodes finally series)? How does Decade and Den-O affect my universe and the things I want to do? What about the other Rider Series I’ve thought of that are nothing more than mere sloppy ideas? Do I even want to do the one series that may use too much/all of the material I developed for my Project Lifetime years ago?
Difficult questions that keep spinning around in my head, I wish I could silence them long enough to have a clear train of thought. I haven’t even touched the revised pilot script in 2 weeks, but I know I need to finish editing it. But with all kinds of thoughts spinning around in my head about real life and eating and even getting a freakn’ drink of water… why couldn’t I have some stroke of luck and be able to do the things I want easily. I guess I need to think more about being an Ace and less about being a King. I feel like Hayate from Hayate no Gotoku. “How can I have a girlfriend if I can’t even afford myself?” I’m lonely too, but I know finding a girl around these parts will be next to impossible without getting some slut who doesn’t really care about me or what I want to do with my life.
I need a profound change in my life, and I need it soon. Here’s to hoping for a part-time summer job that is close to home.