Part 1

NOTE1: This is translated from the web page version, so it is slightly different from the book version.

NOTE2: I will not translate the whole book, only the chapters that were available via the web.

NOTE3: NOT PROOFREAD. Please ignore any bad wording/grammer

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That day, I chose to take the main street to go home. It was just on a whim, a very rare thing for me to do.

When I was walking midst the buildings I see everyday, someone came crashing down. A wet crushing sound that you will normally never hear. It was obvious that the person died after falling off one of the buildings. A crimson color spreads across the ground. The only thing that's left noticeable was the dark black hair, and the thin, white, weak-looking arms and legs... And the smashed up face. The whole scene was surrounded by the old summer, and it reminded me of a pressed flower that has flattened out from being in between a book.

... Probably, because the corpse which had only its neck broken looked like a broken lily to me...

1.Overlooking View (Thanatos) -Fujoh Kirie-

/1

On the night at the beginning of August, Mikiya came by without any notice.

"Good evening. You look lazy as always, Shiki"

The sudden visitor stood by the door as he gives a boring greeting with a smile.

"To tell you, I just saw an accident on my way here. A girl jumped off of a top of a building, it's a suicide. I heard it's happening quite recently but I never thought I'd see one myself. Here, put this in the fridge."

He throws me a plastic bag of a convenience store as he unties his shoes by the door. Inside are two strawberry Haagen dasz. I guess he means I should put them in the fridge before they melt.

While I was slowly checking out what's inside the bag, Mikiya has taken off his shoes and has already came inside.

My house is a room in a mansion. If you go past the hallway which isn't even a meter long, you get to the room where it's both my bedroom and my living room. While glaring at Mikiya, who is quickly making his way to my room, I follow him.

"Shiki. You skipped school again today, right? I don't care about your grades, but you won't be able to pass unless you get the reuired attendance. Did you forget about our promise to go to college together?"

"Do you have the right to order me around about my school? First of all, I don't remember that kind of promise, and you've already dropped out of college."

I glare at Mikiya as I say so. He looks downcast while trying to come up with words.

"... Uh, if you say rights, there aren't any rights for anybody, but..."

Sounding sophisticated, Mikiya sits down.

He tends to let out his true feelings when he's on the defence... it's something I recalled just recently.

Mikiya sits down in the middle of the room. As I sit down on the bed behind him, I lay my body across it. Mikiya still has his back turned to me. I thoughtlessly look at Mikiya's back, which is a bit small for a being a guy.

This man named Kokutoh Mikiya seems to be my friend from back in high school.

In the rapid age full of youngsters which many things get famous and goes away quickly, Mikiya was a rare person that kept an image of a student.

He doesn't dye his hair or let it grow long. He doesn't get a tan or wear accessories. He doesn't carry a cell phone or play around with women. He is around 170cm or so. His kind-looking face is more on the cuter side and his huge black glasses makes that feature stand out even more.

Even though he is dressed normally and he's out of school, he might look good enough to catch a few people's attention if he actually dressed nicely.

"Shiki, are you listening? I saw your mother. You should go visit your house of Ryohgi at least once. I heard that you haven't even contacted them since you got out of the hospital two month ago."

"... I don't care. It can't be helped cause I can't really take in the fact. We'll just feel more distant even if we see each other. I still feel weird talking to you, so there'll be no way I'll be able to keep up a conversation with those strangers."

"Geez, things won't get any better if you keep acting like that. You'll be like this forever if you don't open up your heart to them. It's not right for a family to live so close together and yet never talk to each other."

I frown at those words.

He says "not right", but what exactly is "not right"? There's nothing illegal in what's happening between me and my parents. It's just that the child has gotten in an accident and lost all memories. We are proven to be a family under the law and by the papers, so I'd assume there's nothing wrong in between us.

... Mikiya always worries about how other people feel. Although I think that's just pointless...

***

Ryohgi Shiki is my friend since high school.

Our school was a famous private high school which taught a lot of students who went to a good college.

When I first went to see if I got in the school or not, the name Ryohgi Shiki stood out so much that it stuck in my head and we ended up being in the same class. Since then, I became one of the few friends Shiki had.

Our school did not have uniforms, so everyone expressed themselves by how they dressed. Within all these people, Shiki still stood out.

... Because Shiki would always be wearing a kimono.

It's simple form fit Shiki's shoulders and it made the classroom feel like a old-stlye house just by having Shiki walk through it. Some of the students had a rocker-style outfit, but in front of Shiki, such an outfit had less value to it than the first edition of the magazine "STYLE". I think this is enough to explain what kind of a person Shiki is like.

Shiki's face was also too perfect.

The hair is beauiful like silk, and it is cut with sissors lazily and kept like that. But it becomes a perfect short hair that is long enough to hide Shiki's ear, which suits Shiki so much that many people mistaken Shiki's sex. Shiki looks so handsome that when a man looks, they see a woman, and when a woman looks, they see a man. Shiki looks more valiant than beautiful.

But more than Shiki's looks, what captivated me the most were Shiki's eyes. They were sharp yet delicate, and it came with thin brows. It felt like Shiki was seeing what we were unable to see with those eyes, and that is what everything Shiki meant to me.

Yes.

Until Shiki ended up like that...

***

"Suicide by jumping off something. Would that be considered an accident, Mikiya?"

Mikiya gets himself together to that meaningless rant. And he seriously starts thinking about the question.

"Hmmm, I'm sure it's an accident... but you're right. I wonder what that is. Since it's a suicide, the person is dead. But as long as it is that person's will to do so, the blame is only on that person. But since falling from a high place is an accident..."

"It's not a murder or an accidental death? That's ambiguous. They should pick a way so they won't trouble others if they were going to kill themselves."

It seems my words angered Mikiya a bit as he takes a glance behind him towards me.

"Shiki, it's not nice to talk badly about dead people."

His voice is not to scold me, but it is said in a plain tone. I saw that response coming a mile away.

"Kokuto, I hate your common sense talk."

Naturally, my response gets a bit harsh. But it doesn't seem like he cares at all.

"Wow, its been a long time since you called me like that."

"Really?"

Mikiya nods.

I call him in two ways: Kokuto and Mikiya. I didn't like the sound of "Kokuto"... although I don't exactly know why.

In that small silence that formed during my pondering, Mikiya claps his hand as if he remembered something.

"Oh, on the note of something that's rare, my sister Azaka saw it."

Not understanding what he's talking about, I make a frown.

"It's that thing. The girl of the Fujiyoh building, the one they say is flying around. You said you saw it too once."

Oh, I remember now.

From around three weeks ago, in the sky above an expensive mansion in the office district, a human-like form could be seen. The fact that Azaka saw it too must mean it really does exist.

After I was in a coma for two years after that accident, I was able to see things that were "not supposed to be there". As Touko would put it, I am not seeing them but rather observing them. In other words, it seems that I am able to perceive at a higher level with my eyes and brain, but I don't care about all the explanations.

"The thing at the Fujiyou building, I saw that thing a few times. But I haven't been around there for some time, so I don't know if it's still there."

"I see. I go by there a lot but I never saw it."

"You can't see it cause you're wearing glasses."

"I don't think glasses matter", frowns Mikiya.

His reaction is so warm and pure. That's probably why it's harder for him to see those kinds of things.

But boring incidents keep on happening like people falling and flying. I don't understand the meaning behind all that, so I question out loud.

"Mikiya, do you know why people fly?"

Mikiya shrugs at my unexpected question and answers in a normal tone.

"I don't know why they fly or fall, because I've never done such things before."

/2

On the night at the end of August, I decided to take a walk.

The air is a bit cold for the end of a summer. The last train has already left and the town is quiet.

It's cold, quiet, and old, just like a dead city. Even the passer-by seems so cold and so artificial like photos. It reminded me of an uncurable disease.
... disease, illness, sickening.

Everything, the unlighted houses, the lighted convenience store... everything seems they would crumble down if they let their guards down.

In it all, the moon shines through the night.

In this world where everything is dead, it seems like the moon is the only thing alive, and it hurts my eyes.

... That's what I mean by sickening

When I left the house, I put on a black leather jacket on top of my light blue kimono.

The kimono gets trapped inside the jacket and burns my body.

But it's still not hot... no, rather...

For me, it was never cold to begin with.

***

Even though it's midnight, you will see some people if you take a walk.

A man hurrying down the street with his face down.

A young man pondering in front of a vending machine.

Many people that hang out in front of the convenience store.

I tried to figure out what reasons they had for being there, but I never did figure it out being just an outsider.

First of all, there was no meaning behind myself walking out late at night.

I'm just repeating what I used to do before.

... Two years ago.

Me, called Ryohgi Shiki, was about to head up to the second year in my high school when I got in an accident. I was carried straight to the hospital.

I heard that my body didn't get any serious wounds, but the the damage was concentrated in my head.

Since then, I was in a coma.

Maybe because my body was uninjured, the hospital kept me alive, and my meaningless body also tried to live on.

And finally, about two months ago, Ryohgi Shiki recovered.

I guess the doctors were so shocked as if a corpse has come back to life. I see, that tells me how much they expected my recovery.

And myself too, I was shocked for another reason.

My memory up to now was a bit weird.

To put it simply, I cannot trust the memories I have.

This is different from memory disorder, or rather what people usually call amnesia.

According to Tohko, memory is composed of four systems that the brain operates: Writing, saving, replaying, and recognizing.
"Writing" is taking what you see and writing it into your brain as information.
"Saving" is to keep that information stored.
"Replaying" is to recall the stored information. In other words, remembering.
"Recognizing" is to confirm that the information recalled is the same as the event that actually occured.

If one cannot perform any one of these processes, they have a memory disorder. Of course, depending on which system is disfunctional, the case of memory disorder will vary.

But it my case, all these functions are working properly. I can't really feel my previous memories as my own, but the function of "recognizing" is working properly as I can tell that the memory is indeed the same as what I've experienced before.

But still, I could not be confident about my previous self. I could not feel that I am who I was.

Even if I do remember my memory as Ryohgi Shiki, I can only recognize the memory as someone else's. Even though there's no doubt that I'm Ryohgi Shiki...

The two years of emptyness has reduced Ryohgi Shiki into nothing.

Not what the society thinks, but it has caused what's inside of me to crumble into nothing. My memory and the personality I should have had... the connection was utterly destroyed.

With that being the case, my memory became nothing but an image.

But because of that image, I am able to act like I used to. I can communicate with the people I knew and my parents as the Ryohgi Shiki they knew. But without any concern for my real feelings.

To be honest, that troubles me so much that I can almost not stand the pain.

...... It's just mimicry
I'm not living at all.

Just like a newborn baby. I don't know anything and I haven't experienced anything. But the memory of the past eighteen years has made me into a complete human.

I already have the emotions people originally learn from experiencing many events as my memory. But I have not actually experienced them. But even if I wanted to experience them, I already know about them. There is no amazement nor feeling of being alive.
... Just like not being able to be surprized by a magic which you already know the trick to.

And just like that, I continue to act like I used to without feeling that I'm alive.

The reason is simple.

Because if I do so, I might be able to return to my previous self.

Because if I act like that, I might figure out the reason to why I take these walks late at night.

... Oh I see.

Then I guess you could say that I am in love with my previous self.

/3

Looking up after noticing that I have walked a long way, I find out I am in the office ditrict.

Buildings of the same height are standing side-by-side along the road in a well-mannered fashion. The surface of the buildings are filled with glass windows, and they are only reflecting the moonlight right now.

In the darkness, the large mirror created by the buildings are reflecting each other's figures indistinctively.

It's a quiet night tonight.

The group of buildings by the main street is like a world of shadows that the monsters roam around in.

Deep in it, there is a shadow taller than the rest. That building like a twenty-story high ladder looked like a tower reaching for the moon.

The name of the tower is Fujiyoh.

There are no lights on in the mansion called the Fujiyoh building. The residents are probably all asleep. Probably because it's almost two in the morning.

At that instant, an uninteresting shadow catches my eyes.

A silhouette of a floating human form comes into my vision. Not as a figure of speech, but the girl is really floating.

There is no wind.

The coldness in the air is abnormal for summer.

The bone in my nape creaks from the coldness.

Of course, it's just my illusion.

"I see. So you're here today too."

I don't like it, but I can't help what I can see.

And just like that, the girl we were talking about is flying as if she is lying on the moon.

Part 2

The image is that of an dragonfly.
Busily flying.
A butterfly came to follow, but my speed does not go down.
The butterfly eventually could not keep up and fell as it was about to go out of my vision.
It falls making an arch. The falling motion like that of a snake looked like a broken lily.
The image is a really sad one.
Even though we cannot go together, I should have at least stayed by its side a bit longer.
But that is impossible. Because as I do not have my feet on the ground, I do not even have the freedom to stand and stop.

***

Since I could hear someone talking, I decide to get up.

... My eyelids are pretty heavy. This is proof that I still need two more hours of sleep.

As I think to myself that I am petty for still trying to wake up in that state, my will has won over my sleepiness.

... Really, I'm troubled at how simple I am.

I think I finished up writing the drawing plan after working on it all night, and went to sleep in Tohko-san's room.

When I raise myself from the sofa, I am indeed in the office. In the summer sunlight, Shiki and Tohko-san seem to be talking about something.

Shiki is leaning on a wall while standing up, and Tohko-san is sitting on a pipe chair crosslegged.

"Morning, Kokutoh"

The look on Tohko-san's face which is more like a glare is only normal. ... Seeing that she has her glasses off, I guess she was talking with Shiki about "those" kinds of things.

On the note of normal, she is dressed like normally as well.

With her hair short and her neck showing, Tohko-san looks like a secretary. But since her glare looks so scary, I bet she won't ever get that kind of a position.

The black thin pants and the seemingly new white shirt suits her.

"Sorry, I guess I fell asleep."

I try to make up an excuse.

"Don't explain the obvious. I can tell."

Cutting me off like that, she takes her cigarette to her mouth.

"If you're awake, go make something to drink. It should be a good rehabilitation."

She must mean reformation when she says rehabilitation.

I don't know why she would say that to me, but since Tohko-san is always like that, I decide not to question her.

"Do you want anything, Shiki?"

"I'm fine. I'm going to bed soon."

Saying so, Shiki does indeed seem to be lacking sleep.

Maybe she took a walk last night after I left.

/2

Next to the room which is both Tohko-san's room and the office is a room like a kitchen.

Maybe it was an lab or something before, but the sink has three faucets in a row. Two of those have metal wires wrapped around it and are not for use. The reason for that is unknown to me. But if you look at it, it will let you know a bit how boxers feel when they are trying to lose weight. But you don't get much thankful because you start feeling violent.

Well. I turn the coffee maker on to make coffee for the two of us. I do so very efficiently. I'm already a master at brewing coffee. But it's not like I'm working here to make tea or coffee...

It's been half a year since I got employed here.

No, the word employ is not right. Because this place is not even a functional workplace.

I came here in spite of that, probably because I fell in love with that person's work.

After Shiki stopped time at the age of seventeen, I graduated high school and entered college without a purpose.

It was a promise made with Shiki to enter that college.

Even if Shiki had little hope of recovery, I still wanted to keep that promise.

But nothing was there for me after that. After I became a college student, I just lived through the days.

While I was living aimlessly like that, I went to an exhibit I was invited to, and ended up finding a doll.

It was a doll made so delicate, it seemed to be at the limits of a man's skills. It was like a frozen human, yet I think it expressed that it's just a thing with human shape which will never move.

But it was just too beautiful...

It's a human about to start moving any second now. But it's a doll which does not have any life to begin with. A place where only things with life can reach, yet a place where no human can reach...

I fell in love with that ambivalence.

Probably because everything about its existance was exactly like Shiki back then.

It was unknown where the doll came from.

The pamphlet did not even show of its existance.

When I desperately looked for the source, I found out that it was made by a volunteer and the crafter was one with a strange rumor in that industry.

The crafter, whose name is Aozaki Tohko, is a hermit to put it simply. I guess her true job is doll-making, but it seems she designs buildings as well.

She does anything that involves making something, but she never accepts any requests. She always goes to someone and shows them what she will make, and starts making it once she receives the payment up front.

She must be a big time prodigal, or just a big weirdo.

I got more and more curious and I knew I shouldn't have, but I found out the address of this weirdo (I can declare so with confidence now!)

It was away from the city and it was an ambiguous address not in the residential district or the industrial district.

It wasn't even a house.

It was an abandoned building.

And it's not just a normal abandoned building. It's really abandoned as it's construction was started a few years ago when the economy was good and the construction was stopped halfway when the economy became bad. It's shape as a building is there, but the interior is totally unfinished as the walls and the floors are completely bare.

It would have been six stories high upon completion, but there's nothing above the fourth floor. Now, it's more efficient to start building from the top floor, but I guess it was still using the old construction method back then. Since the construction was stopped halfway, the half-done fifth floor is like the rooftop.

Even though the building is surrounded by a tall concrete wall, it's easy to get into. It's a miracle some kids didn't make a secret base out of it.

Anyways, I guess Aozaki Tohko bought this abandoned building.

The kitchen-like room I'm in right now is on the fourth floor. The second and the third floor is like Tohko-san's workspace, so we usually talk on the fourth floor.

... Let's get back to the topic.

After that, I got to know Tohko-san and I ended up working here and quitting the college I just got into.

Unbelievably, I get paid here.

As Tohko-san puts it, there are two types of people with one of two attributes: The one to make and one to search, the one to use and the one to destroy.

She told me frankly that I had no hope as the one to make, but she still hired me. She said that I have the ability as the one to search or whatnot.

"You're slow, Kokutoh"

I hear her from the next room.

Looking, I notice that the coffee maker is already filled with the black liquid.

/3

"I guess the one yesterday makes eight. People should start to notice the similarities by now."

Putting out her cigarette, Tohko-san abruptly says so.

She must be talking about the recently repeating suicides of female high-school students which they jump off of high buildings.

I think so because there's nothing else she would want to talk about, with this summer being one with no issues such as water-shortage.

"Huh? Wasn't it six?"

"There were more while you were dozing off. It started in June, and it's averaging about three per month. Maybe there'll be one more within the next three days."

Tohko-san says an ill thing. Taking a look at the calendar, August will come to an end in three days. ...... Three more days...?

Something about that catches my attention, but it fades away quickly.

"But I heard they are all unrelated. The girls who commited suicides are all supposedly from different schools with no connection to each other. Well, it might be that the police is hiding the fact."

"You're not trusting people? That's unlike you."

Tohko-san grins.

... With her glasses off, she can be infinitely mean.

"Because no will has been televised. Six, no eight people. If there's that many, at least one should have left behind a will. But if the police has not said anything about it, you'd think they are hiding them."

"I'm saying that's the relation. Or I should say the connection point. Out of the eight, more than half are seen jumping off by themselves by witnesses, but they are unable to find anything wrong with their private life. It's not like they were doing drugs or affliated with a weird religion. It's definitely a suicide where they felt uneasy about themselves and selfishly killed themselves. That's probably why the cops aren't taking a big interest on that point."

"Are you saying that there was no will from the beginning?"

After I say so doubtfully, Tohko-san nods but says she can't be too sure.

But could that be possible?

There's an inconsistancy somewhere. I think as I take the coffee mug and taste the bitterness of the liquid inside.

Why would there be no will? If there is no will, people usually would not kill themselves.

A will is an attachment to the real world. When a person who does not like to die is forced to die, the will is what they leave behind as a reason for their death.

A suicide without a will...

To have no need to write a will means they have nothing to leave this world, and is willing to disappear without any traces. That would be the perfect suicide. I think a perfect suicide would be one without a will and even the death itself is not found.

But committing suicide by jumping off a building is not a perfect suicide. To die in a way to catch people's attention seems by itself a will.

Then what?

Maybe it's for a different reason... like someone stole their will? No, then that will not be a suicide.

Then what? There's only one logical answer I can think of.

Like it sounds, maybe those were just accidents.

The girls had no intention of dying from the beginning. Then there would be no reason to write a will. It's like getting involved in an unfortunate accident while going outside for a bit.

Just like what Shiki said last night.

... But I cannot come up with a reason why they would jump off a building when they were just going out for a bit.

"The suicides will end at eight. There won't be anymore for a while."

Shiki comes into the conversation as if to interrupt my raging thoughts.

Even though Shiki seems to be uninterested in this subject.

"You can tell?"

I have to ask.

Shiki nods while looking far away.

"I went and looked. There was eight that were flying about."

The well-shaped lips let out those words.

"Oh, so there were that many at that building? You knew from the beginning how many there were, Shiki?"

"Yeah, I finished it off but I think those girls will stay there for a while. Even though I don't like that idea. ... Hey Tohko. Do all the people end up that way when they can fly a bit like that?"

"I don't know. You can't say for sure since everyone's different but in the past, of those who have attempted to fly with just human powers, none has succeeded. The word fly and fall are tied together. But the more you're hooked to flying, the more you forget about that fact. As a result, you end up trying to reach the skies even after you die. Not falling to the ground, but as if falling toward the sky."

Shiki frowns at Tohko-san's response.

Shiki's angry... but at what?

"Sorry, but I don't quite follow the conversation."

"Hmm? We're talking about the ghost of the Fujiyoh building. Although I can't say for sure if it's just an image or a real thing unless I take a look at it. I was thinking of going to take a look at it if I had the time, but if Shiki's killed it, there's no way for me to check now."

... I see. As I expected, they were talking about "those" kind of things.

When Shiki and Tohko-san without her glasses talk together, they usually talk about these occult-like things.

"You heard the story that Shiki saw the girl floating at the Fujiyoh building, right? That story had more to it and it seems there's a human-like figure flying around those floating girls. We were talking that since they won't go away from the Fijiyoh building, maybe that place was like a net or something."

I'm troubled at how much weirder and complex the story has become.

As if Tohko-san can tell my confusion, she sums up the whole thing.

"In other words, there's one floating human at the Fujiyoh building and around it are the girls who died from the suicide. These girls are probably something like ghosts. That's pretty much it."

I nod.

I understand the story but I guess I'm hearing the story after its over again.

Seeing how Shiki talked, it seems the ghost thing was already taken care of.

It's been two month since I let these two meet. I'm starting to become the one to hear about the results when it comes to these kinds of stories.

As a normal human being different from these two, I'd like to stay away from those stories. But since I would not like to be ignored, I think this neutral stance I'm holding right now is perfect.

I guess people call this good news within bad news.

Part 3

/4

"That whole story sounds like a bad novel."

Tohko-san agrees.

Shiki gets more angry and starts to glare at me.

Have I done something to make Shiki mad?

"Huh? But Shiki saw the ghosts there at the beginning of July, right? Then there were only four ghosts back then?"

I say the obvious just to confirm, but Shiki says no.

"Eight. There were eight from the beginning. Like I told you, there won't be anymore after eight. In their case, the order is the opposite."

"Then you're saying you saw eight ghosts from the start? Like that one future-seeing girl?"

"No way. I'm normal. It's just that the air there is abnormal. Let's see... it feels weird like hot water and cold water being right next to each other."

Tohko-san follows-up Shiki's ambiguous words.

"So in other words, the time there is not working properly. It's not like there's only one way for time to pass by. The time it takes for something to rot away is unfairly different for everything. Then it should follow that an individual as human and it's memory take different times to disappear. When someone dies, does that person's memory disappear? It doesn't, right? As long as there are observers (ones to remember), nothing disappears instantly. They just fade away.
People's memory... no, rather records, if the observer happened to be the environment around that person, special people like those girls will remain and walk through town as an illusion even after they die. This is part of a phenomenon called ghosts. The only ones who see this illusion are the ones that share the memories with these ghosts, namely their parents and friends. Shiki is an exception though.
There are those kinds of "passage of time for records", but at the top of that building, that is really slow. The girls' memories from when they were alive has not caught up to their real state yet.
As a result, the memories stay alive. What can be seen there are the actions and the realities of those girls whose time happens to be passing by slowly."

Then, Tohko-san lights another cigarette.

So she is saying that when something goes away, as long as I remember about it, it does not mean it has disappeared, but me remembering about it means it's alive, so if it's alive, it could be seen?

That's just like hallucination. ... No, Tohko-san probably used the word "illusion" because it is defined as something that isn't real.

"I don't care about all that explanations. There's no danger in that. The problem is her. I know I got that thing good, but if there's a main body somewhere else, we'll just end up repeating this over and over again. I'm tired of being Mikiya's bodyguard."

"I feel the same way. I'll take care of Fujoh Kirie. You can just take Kokutoh home. There's about five more hours until he's off work. If you're going to sleep, you can use the floor there."

The place Tohko-san pointed was a place that has not been cleaned for the past year and was like a dirty furnace.

Of course, Shiki ignores her.

"So, what was that anyway?"

Shiki glares at Tohko-san.

The wizard with a cigarette in her mouth thinks to herself and walks over to the window.

From there, she looks outside.

There are no lightings in this room. We only get the light from outside and it's hard to tell if its morning or afternoon in here.

In contrast, the view outside the window is clearly mid-day. You could almost see the blazing-hot white sunlight.

Tohko-san stares at the summer scenary for a while.

"Before, you could classify her as flying."

The smoke she blows out mixes in with the white sunlight.

I stare at her back as she looks outside... she's like a mirage in all this white.

"Kokutoh, what do you think a view from a high place reminds you of?"

This sudden question pulls me back into reality.

I haven't really been at a high place since I went to the Tokyo Tower as a child. I don't really remember what I thought about it then. Only thing is that I tried so hard to find the place I lived, but ended up not being able to find it.

"Maybe small?"

"That's too shrewd of a remark, Kokutou."

A cold response comes back. Well, I was a bit doubtful about my remark myself. I pull myself together and try to think of something else.

"Let's see. There isn't much that it reminds me of, but I do think it's beautiful. A view from a high place is overwhelming."

Probably because this response was more from my heart, Tohko-san nods in agreement.

And still staring outside, Tohko-san continues to talk.

"The scenary you see is magnificent. Even an boring one looks beautiful. But that's not the impulse you feel when you look down onto the world you live in. The overlooking view only gives you one impulse..."

Saying the word "impulse", Tohko-san cuts off her sentence.

Impulse is not something that comes from within you like feelings, but rather something that attacks you from the outside. Even if the one attacked by it doesn't want it.

Something like violence that attacks you without warning, that is what we call impulses.

Then what is the violence that is brought by an overlooking view?

"That is being "far". A vision too big creates a vivid seperation between you and the world. People can only feel safe around things close to them. Even if one has the most detailed map and knows exactly where they are, it's only information, right?
For us, the world is only something we can feel ourselves. The boundaries between cities, countries, and the world, is only something that our brain recognizes and we ourselves cannot feel them unless we actually go to that place. And in reality, there is nothing wrong with that way of recognition.
But if the vision is too large, discrepancy occurs. The 10m area around you that you actually feel and the 10km area that you are looking down on. They are both the world you live in, yet you feel the first one as more real.
See? There's already an inconsistancy. It's more correct for you to recognize the larger world you see as the world you live in rather than the small space around you. But no matter how hard you try, you cannot feel that you are living on this big world.
The reason being, what feels more real is always something that is around you. Your reasoning as your knowledge and your experience as your feeling crashes against each other and eventually, one will lose and confusion will start.
... how small the city is from up here. I can't even imagine my house was down there. Was that park shaped that way? I didn't even know that was there. This is like a town I don't know about. It feels like I've come to a place far away.
... A high perspective brings these kinds of thinkings. Even though the person is still standing on one part of that city they're looking down on..."

A high place is a place far away. That is true distance-wise. But Tohko-san must mean the mental aspect of it.

Two places apart horizontally and vertically. The only difference between the two is if you can or can't look down on the other place.

"So you mean it's not good to keep your vision at a high place?"

"If you go too far. In the ancient times, the sky was considered to be another world. To fly meant going to the other world. You will be drowned in another will if you do not protect yourself with technology (metal). Just like it sounds, you go crazy.
Well, if you do have a right protection on your recognition, you won't be affected that much. It won't be a problem if you have a firm place to stand on. You'll be back to normal when you get back on the ground."

... Now that she mentions it, when I was looking down on the school ground from the rooftop once, I suddenly wondered what would happen if I jumped down.

Of course, it was just a joke.

I had no intention of actually doing so, but why did I get that thought when it obviously leads to death?

Tohko-san says there are individual differences, but I think it's common for people to imagine about falling when at high places.

"Does it mean your mind goes crazy just for an instant?"

Tohko-san laughs when I blurt out what I thought.

"Everyone dreams about the taboo, Kokutoh. Humans have the great ability of self-pleasure by imagining things they cannot do. But... yeah, that's pretty close. The important thing is that the thought only comes at a specific place - at that place itself. Well, I guess that's pretty obvious. To speak in your case, I think your mind isn't crazy, but rather numb."

"Tohko, you're talking for too long."

Shiki interrupts as if to say Shiki can't stand it anymore. Come to think of it, we might have strayed off the main topic.

"It's not long at all. If you say in terms of constructing a topic, we're only on the second part."

"I only want to hear the end. I don't want to hear you guys talk."

"Shiki..."

It's mean, but I guess she also has a point.

Shiki continues to complain, ignoring me.

"And, you say there's a problem with views from high places. Then what is a normal view? Even when we're walking, we have a higher view than the ground."

In contrast to Shiki's attitude of trying to find holes, I thought the arguement did have a point.

A person's eyes are certainly at a higher level than the ground. Then that would mean our view is somewhat overlooking the world.

Tohko-san nods at Shiki's words. I guess she's just going to say the conclusion now.

"But the ground you think is flat is actually a bit angled. But even including that, you never call our normal vision to be overlooking something.
A vision is not what your eyes see, but it's an image that your brain comprehends. Our vision is protected by common sense, so we never feel our height to be high, and it's even considered normal. There's no notion that it's high.
But on the other hand, everyone is living with a vision that is overlooking. Not a physical vision, but I mean our mental vision. Everyone is different, but a larger mind will try to go higher. But still, it will never leave its box.
Humans are made to live in a box, and they can only survive in the box. Humans cannot have the views of the Gods.
When you pass that certain line, you become monsters like that. Hypnos (illusion) turns into Thanatos (real death)."

As she says so, Tohko-san herself is overlooking the world.

She is looking down with her feet on the ground, which I thought that was a very important thing. And then, I remembered the dream I was watching.
The butterfly fell at the end.
Maybe she could have flown more gracefully is she had not tried to follow me.
Yes, if she fluttered as if to float, she should have been able to fly longer.
But since the butterfly knew about flying, it could not stand the lightness of its floating body.
That's why it flew, quitting to float.
Thinking that much, I question myself if I was that poetic.
Tohko-san, by the window, throws her cigarette away.

"The flicker at the Fujiyoh building might be the world she was seeing. I can guess that the difference in the air Shiki felt was the boundary between the outside world and the inside of the box. That is a discontinuity that only a human mind can perceive."

With Tohko-san's talk finished, Shiki finally seems to relax.

Shiki lets out a breath and looks around.

"Discontinuity, huh? I wonder which side was the warm side and which side was the cold side for her."

In contrast to the serious tone, Shiki acts like it doesn't matter.

Tohko-san also acts like she doesn't care.

"Of course, the opposite of you."

And answered so.

Part 4

... The bone in my nape creaks.

Is the coldness that's making me tremble coming from outside or inside my body?
Leaving what can't be distinguished aside, Shiki keeps walking.
There's no sign of people at the Fujiyoh building.
It's two in the morning. Only the white light illuminates the hallway of the mansion. The cream-colored walls are lightened up by the light and I could see to the end of the hallway. The artificial light which takes away the darkness looks too artificial that it rather looks scary.

Passing by the card checker at the entrance, I enter the elevator.

It's empty inside. The back of the elevator has a mirror attached, and it is made so that the rider could see themselves. Inside the mirror is a person wearing a black leather jacket over light blue kimono, with lazy looking eyes. Those eyes look like they care about nothing.

Shiki looks at the figure in the mirror, and pushes the button that says "R". With a small start-up sound, the world around Shiki rises. The machine-powered box will reach the top floor in a matter of seconds.

It is a closed up room for the time being. Nothing occuring outside right now concerns Shiki, and it is impossible to be concerned with the outside world. That feeling seeps into the supposedly empty mind. This small box is the only world I'm supposed to feel right now.

The door opens without a sound. What's outside is a totally different world, a world of darkness.

After getting out to the room which only contains the door leading to the rooftop, the elevator leaves Shiki and goes back down to the first floor. There are no lights, and the surrounding is painfully dark.

Going across the small room, Shiki opens the door leading to the rooftop.

... The black darkness turns into a faint darkness.

The vision fills up with the view of the city.

The rooftop of the Fukiyoh building is a plain one. The floor is made of flat concrete, and there is a fence that surrounds the whole rooftop. There is only a water tower on top the room Shiki was in, and there is nothing else in particular. The rooftop itself is a plain one. But the view from it is what is out of this world.

The view of the night town from this building that is at least ten stories higher than the surroundings feels more lonely than beautiful. It feels like you're on top a tall ladder looking down onto the world. The dark, bottom of the sea-like view is certainly beautiful. The lights here and there are like the lights of the deep-sea fishes.

If my view right now is the whole world, then the world right now is indeed sleeping. Probably forever, but unfortunately temporary. The quietness tightens my heart more than any coldness, and it is rather painful...

The coldness in the night sky is standing out as much as the coldness below. If the town is the deep sea, then the sky is just pure darkness. In the darkness, stars glitter like jewels. The moon is a hole. It only looks like a large hole in a big black canvas called the night sky. So that thing is really not a mirror of the sun, but rather a view of the other side... That's what I heard at the house of the Ryohgi. According to them, the moon is a gate to another world.

The moon from ancient times has carried magic, women, and death. And with that moon behind it, a human form is floating...
... With eight girls flying around it.

Part 5

***

The white figure in the night sky is that of a woman. She wears a fancy white cloth that one might mistaken for a dress, and has long, black hair reaching down to her waists. Her arms and legs are slender, and it makes this woman look even more beautiful.

The thin brow and the cold eyes are beautiful. I can estimate she's in her twenties. Although its doubtful that you can fit an age for a living thing onto something like a ghost.

But the white woman is not abstract like a ghost. She is really there. If you want ghosts, the girls floating around the woman are more like it. The girls floating around aimlessly seems more like swimming than flying. Even their figures are abstract, as they turn transparent from time to time.

What's above Shiki right now are the white woman and the girls floating around the woman as if to protect her.

The whole sight is not horrifying. No, this is more like...

"Hmph, this is indeed demonic."

Shiki sneers.

This woman's beauty is already not that of a human's. Her black hair is especially beautiful, as each seems like silk. If the wind was strong, her figure with the hair flowing would have been a profound beauty.

"Then I have to kill you"

Maybe she heard Shiki's murmur, as the woman looks down. The woman is four meters above this rooftop already over forty meters high. The woman and Shiki's gazes meet.

There is no words to speak, nor is there a language to communicate with.

Shiki puts a hand in the jacket and takes out a knife. A weapon more like a sword than a knife, with a blade about eighteen centimeters long. (7 inches)

Shiki's mind fills up with the intent to kill with the gaze from above.

The white figure sways. Her arm flows and a slender finger points at Shiki. That slender, fragile arm does not remind Shiki of white.

"... More like bones, or a lily"

In the windless night, the voice stayed in the air for a long time.

***

The will put into the fingertip is the intent to kill.

The white fingertip points at Shiki.

Shiki's head sways. The thin body steps once to regain its balance. But only once.

"........"

The woman overhead hesitated a bit from that.

The suggestion that "you can fly" is not working on this person.

Her power can give someone the impression that "they were flying", and it's more like brainwashing than suggestion. There's no way to fight it, and as a result, one actually triesto fly, or runs away from the fear of being able to fly. But Shiki was able to stand is with just a small daze.

"........."

The woman wonders if the contact was too weak, and decides to use suggestion again.

But this time, stronger. Not a weak impression like "you can fly", but she orders "you have to fly".

But before that, Shiki looks at the woman.

One on each of her legs, one on her back, and one point on her left chest. The cutting section called death can be certainly seen. The one on her chest would be a good one to aim for. That would be an instant kill. Even if that woman is just an image, I could even kill God if it is alive.

Shiki raises the knife with one hand. Holding the knife backwards, Shiki looks at the enemy in the sky.

Then, the impulse attacks Shiki again.

... I can fly. I can fly. I liked the sky from before. I was flying yesterday too. I could probably fly higher today. Freely. Feeling peaceful. Laughing. I have to go quickly...

Where? To the sky? Free? ... That's...

Escape from reality. Yearn for the sky. Reaction to gravity. No feet on ground. Flight under unconsiousness.

Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go... GO!

"You've got to be kidding me."

Saying that, Shiki raises the empty left hand.

The suggestion does not work anymore. Shiki does not even get a daze.

"I don't have that kind of admiration for the sky. I don't feel alive, so I don't know the pain of living. To be honest, I don't care about you at all."

... A murmur more like singing.

Shiki does not feel any restraint, joy or sollow of life.

That's why Shiki is not attracted to the liberation from pain.

"But I don't like for you to keep him. I got him first, so I'm taking him back."

Shiki's left hand grabs the empty air and pulls back.

As if being pulled by the left hand, the woman and the girls are pulled toward Shiki. Like fishes being pulled in with a net.

".........!!"

The woman's expression changes. She puts more power into her will and pounds it on Shiki.

If she could communicate with Shiki, she would have screamed,

"Fall"

Ignoring the curse, Shiki responds in a scary tone.

"You fall."

The knife pierces the chest of the woman coming down. As easily as stabbing a fruit, and so sharply that even the one stabbed admires it.

There is no blood.

The woman could not move from the shock of the knife piercing her, and convulses just once.

Shiki throws the corpse casually, to the other side of the fence into the night town.

The woman's body goes past the edge and falls without a sound. Her hair does not flutter even during the fall, and disappears into the night with her white robe expanded in the wind.

It was like a white flower sinking deeo into the ocean.

And then, Shiki leaves the rooftop.

Above, the floating girls still remains...

/4

I wake up getting a knife stabbed in my chest. It was a tremendous impact. That person had to be really strong to pierce someone's chest that easily. But that was not a violent power. It did not have anything unneccesary, and it went in between the bones and the muscles like it was nothing. What a sense of unity!

The feeling of death that runs through my body. The sound of my heart being pierced and ripped through. More than the pain itself, but the feeling of it hurt me more. Because that feeling was fear and pleasure uncomparable to anything else.

The chill running through my spine is mind-boggling, and my whole body is trembling. There exists uneasiness, loneliness, and will to live, and I cried without a sound.

Not because of fear or pain.

It is because the feeling of death I've never felt before was there... even for me, who every night wishes to be alive the next day.

I will never be able to escape this feeling

Since I have fallen in love with this feeling...

***

I hear the door open. The clock points two and it feels like the sun in shining through the closed window. It's not yet time for the examination, so maybe it's a visitor.

I have my own hospital room and there is no one else in here. What's there are the bright sunlight, curtains that never flutter from wind, and this bed.

"Excuse me, Are you Fujoh Kirie?"

It seems the visitor is a woman. Greeting me with a husky voice, she comes near me without sitting down or anything. It seems she's looking down at me. Her stare feels cold.

... This person is a scary person. She probably would bring me destruction.

But I was actually happy inside. Because it's been many years since I've had a visitor. I cannot send anyone back, even if the one came visiting was death himself to finish me off.

"You are my enemy, right?"

The woman nods yes.

I try to focus and somehow see this visitor.

... It may be because of the strong sunlight, but I can only see her silhuette. She is not wearing a jacket, but her wrinkleless suit makes her look like a teacher and makes me relax. But her orange tie is rather flashy for her white shirt, and I have to take some points off for that.

"Do you know that person, or are you that person?"

"No, I'm an aquaintance of both the one who attacked you and the one you attacked. We, you included, made contact with the weirdest people. We have to be pretty unlucky."

Saying that, the woman takes out something from her pocket and puts it right back.

"I forgot you can't smoke in here. And to add, it seems your lungs are bad. The smoke would do you nothing but harm."

She sounds regretful. I guess it was a cigarette box she took out. I have never even touched one before, but I wanted to see this person smoke. Probably... no, surely it would suit her well like a lizard pant on a showcase mannequin.

"It's not just your lungs that are bad? That must be the reason, but there are lots of tumors all over your body. Starting with sarcoma, it's worse inside. It seems that hair of yours is the only thing normal. But it's amazing how much strength you have left. If it's a normal person, they would die before it gets this bad. ... How many years has it been, Fujoh Kirie?"

She is probably asking about my hospitalization, but I cannot answer her.

"I don't know. I stopped keeping track."

Because it's meaningless. Because I won't be getting out of here until I die.

The woman nod and says "I see."

I don't like her tone, as it contains no sympathy or dislike. The only thing I get from someone is sympathy, but this person is not willing to give me even that.

"Is the place Shiki cut all right? I heard Shiki cut you around the heart area, near the main artery... I would assume it was in your bicuspid valve."

She says an amazing thing with an normal tone. I let out a smile from her weirdness.

"What a strange person. I wouldn't be able to talk to you like this if my heart was cut."

"Of course. That was just for confirmation."

I see. She confirmed with that question if I was that woman stabbed by that person I couldn't tell as Japanese-styled or Western-styled.

"But the effect will come in time. Shiki's eyes are strong. Even if that thing was your double existance, the destruction will reach you in time.
I wanted to ask you a few things before that... which is why I came here."

Double existance... she must mean that other me.

"I haven't seen you actually floating. Can you tell me what that was?"

"I don't know either. The only view I can see is this view out of this window.
But maybe that was bad.
I've been looking down at the world from here. The trees showing the colors of the four seasons, people coming to the hospital in turns.
They cannot hear me even if I talk, and I cannot reach them no matter how far I stretch out my hands. I have been suffering all this time inside this room. I have been detesting this view for a long time. Isn't that what you would call cursing?"

"I see, it must be your Fujoh blood. Your bloodline is that of an old pure family. It seems they were specialized in prayers, but I see that their true powers were in cursings. The name Fujoh might come from the word Fujoh (impure)."

Bloodline.

My family. But that has came to an end few years ago. Soon after I was hopitalized, my parents and my brother died in an accident. Since then, a friend of my father has paid for my medical expenses.

"A curse is not something you do unconsciously. What did you wish for?"

... I don't know myself. Even she wouldn't know either.

"... Have you ever looked at the outside world for a long time? For many years, until you become unconscious? I hated, detested, and feared the outside world. I was overlooking it all the time.
After a while, my eyes became weird. I was in the sky above that garden, and was overlooking the world below. It was a feeling like my eyes were flying around while my body and mind were still here. But since I cannot move from here, all I can do is to overlook the area around here.

"You must have imputted the scenary around here into your brain. If that's the case, you should be able to think that you can see it from all directions. ...You started to lose your vision around that time too?"

I'm surprized. She knows I'm on the verge of losing my vision.

I nod.

"That's right. The world turned white and in the end, nothing was there. At first, I thought everything turned into darkness but that was wrong.
Everything disappeared, or at least everything you can see.
But I had no problem with that. Because my eyes are already flying around. I can only see the scenary around this hospital, but I cannot get out of here anyways.
Nothing changed, nothing..."

Then, I cough. It's been a long time since I've talked this much, so my throat is burning.

"I see. So your mind was up in the sky. But then... why are you alive? If that ghost at the Fujiyoh building was your mind, you should have been killed by Shiki."

Yes, I am wondering the same thing.

That person... I guess the name is Shiki, but how was that person able to cut me?

That floating me cannot touch anything but in return, I cannot be touched by anything. But that person killed me as if I had a real body.

"Answer me. The you at the Fujiyoh building, was that really Fujoh Kirie?"

"The me at the Fujiyoh building isn't me. Myself looking at the sky and myself in the sky. That me gave up on me and flew away. I have been left behind even by me myself."

The woman gasps. For the first time, she showed her emotion.

"It must not be that your personailty split up. There was someone that gave you with one container a second container. I see, you controlled two bodies with one mind. This is indeed nothing like before."

Now that she says so, that might have been the case.

I gave up on myself and was looking down on the world. But neither one of us could put our feet on the ground, and just ended up floating around. Since I am rejected by the world outside the window, there is no way for me to go out there no matter how much I wish for it.

It must mean that we were connected in the end.

"That makes sense. But why weren't you happy with just imagining the outside world? I don't think there was a need to let those girls fall."

Those girls...? Oh, I see, those girls I am jealous of. They were unfortunate. But I did not do anything, because the girls fell on their own.

"The you at the Fujiyoh building was more like a will. You used that, huh? Those girls were able to fly from the beginning, right? Even if it was just an image in their head, or if they really had the power to fly. People flying in their sleep isn't rare, but it never gets to be a problem. Why? Because they only do so in their sleep and they never even think about flying when they are awake. Since they are unconscious, they have no evil will when they are flying.
Those girls were special even in that case. We're not talking Peter Pan, but it's easier to fly when you're small. Maybe one or two might have actually floated, but most of them should have floated only in their dreams.
But you made them think about it. You gave them the impression they had while they were dreaming when they were awake.
As a result, they found out they could fly. Yes, they can fly... but only unconsciously. Flight with only human power is difficult. Even I cannot fly without a broom. The chance of flight under consiousness is about thirty percent. The girls tried to fly as usual, and fell as they were supposed to."

Yes, they were flying around me. I thought they could be my friends. But all they did was float around me like fishes without noticing me.

It was fast after I found out they had no consciousness. I just thought they would notice me if they had consciousness. That was the only reason, so why...

"Are you cold? You're trembling."

The woman's voice is cold like plastic.

I embrace myself as the chill does not go away.

"Let me ask you one more thing. Why did you admire the sky? You detested the outside world."

That's probably because...

"There is no end to the sky. I thought there would be a world I wouldn't detest if I could go as far as I want, if I could fly as far as I wanted."

The voice asks me if I found that world.

My chill does not stop. I tremble as if someone's shaking me, and my eyes are getting hotter.

I nod.

"... Every night, I feared if I would be able to wake up the next day, I was scared if I would live until tomorrow. I knew I wouldn't have the strength to wake up if I fell asleep.
The days like a tightrope was only filled with fear of death. But because of that, I could feel that I am alive.
I could only smell death everyday, but to live, only that smell was reliable.
Since I am nothing but a discarded shell, I can feel alive only when I am facing death."

That's right. That is why I like death more than life.

To fly anywhere, to go to anywhere I want...

"You took my boy as a companion to death?"

"No. At that time, I didn't know. I was attached to life and I wanted fly while being alive. I should have been able to do so with him."

"You and Shiki are similar. You guys have a bit of salvation in that you guys both chose Kokutoh. It's not a bad thing to search for the feeling of being alive in someone else."

Kokutoh. I see, so that Shiki person came to take him back.

I guess my savior was also my death. I have no regret in that though.

"That person is really childish. He is always so straight. That's why he should be able to fly to anywhere he wants if he tried.
... I wanted for him to take me."

My eyes are hot. I don't get it, but I'm probably crying.

Not because I'm sad... If I could really go somewhere with him, how much happiness would that have been. Because it's something that wouldn't come ture, because it's a dream that shouldn't come true, that's why it's so beautiful and makes me cry. That is the only dream I had in the past few years.

"But Kokutoh has no interest in the sky. The more one wants the sky, the farther they are from it, huh? How ironic."

"You're right. I have heard that humans have many things they don't need. I was only able to float. I could not fly, and all I managed was to stay floating."

The burning in my eyes disappeared. Probably, this will never again happen in the future.

What's controlling me right now is only this chill inside of me.

"Sorry to be a bother. This is the last question, but what will you do now? I can heal you about that wound Shiki gave you."

Without answering, I shake my head. It seems the woman frowned a bit.

"I see...
There are two ways to escape. Escape without purpose, and escape with a purpose. You call the former floating and the latter flight,
You are the one to decide which one your overlooking view was. But if you choose one out of guilt, that's wrong. You shouldn't choose the path ahead of you based on the sins you carry, but you should rather carry the sins on the path you choose."

Then the woman leaves. The woman has not told me her name, but I know there was no need to.

... She must have known what I would choose from the beginning. Because I could not fly, and all I could do was to float.

Since I'm weak, I cannot do as she said. That's why I cannot overcome this temptation. The flash of light I felt when I was stabbed in my heart. The overwhelming torrent of death and the beat of life. I always thought I had nothing, but there is still that simple thing left in me.

What is there is death.

This fear that sends a chill down my spine. I have to feel the most death I can and feel the happiness of life. For everything in my life I have ignored until now. But it probably would be impossible to die like I did that night. I probably cannot hope for such a striking end. That death pierced me like a lightening, like a needle, like a sword. That's why I will try to come close to that as possible. I don't have any idea right now but I still have a few days to think about it. And I've already decided on the method. I don't think I even need to say this, but I think my end should be a falling death from an overlooking place.

Part 6

/Overlooking View

The sun has set and we leave Tohko-san's abandoned building. Shiki's apartment is in the area but my place is twenty minutes away from here by train. Shiki must be sleepy as Shiki is walking a bit wobbly. But Shiki stays by my side while we walk.

"Do you think suicide is right, Mikiya?'

Shiki suddenly asks me that. That downcast-like gesture looks a bit touching.

"Hmm, I don't know. Let's say I get this virus that will kill eveybody in Tokyo just by me staying alive. If it's the case that everyone would be saved if I die, I'll probably kill myself."

"What is that? That's so unlikely that it's not even a what-if story."

"Let me finish. But I think I'll do that because I'm weak.
I'm going to kill myself because I don't have the courage to keep on living turning all of Tokyo into my enemy. That's easier, right? Courage for an instant and courage that needs to continue throughout your life. You know which one is harder.
It's an extreme arguement, but I think death is running away, no matter what kind of determination is behind it. But there are times when the concerned person wants to run away. I can't deny it or refute it, because I'm a weak person as well."

Hmm, but this seems like I'm saying it's all right for someone to do so because I'd do so too. Self-sacrifice in that case is probably the right thing to do, and that action would be called heroic. But that's wrong. It's foolish to choose death no matter how noble or right it is. No matter how wrong or lowly it is, we have to keep on living to make right of our wrongs.
We have to live on and accept the end of the things we've caused. That is something that takes a lot of courage. I don't think I could do that myself and it sounds too cocky, so I decide not to say it.

"... Well, anyways... I think it's just different for everyone."

I end rather vaguely and Shiki looks at me doubtfully.

"But you're different"

Shiki says so as if seeing inside my mind. It sounded cold, but the words were warm somehow. It was a bit embarrassing, so I walked on for a while silently. The clamor of the main street is getting closer. Sounds, bright lights, engine sounds. Flooding waves of people and many sounds they make. If we pass the department stores, the station is right ahead.

Then, Shiki stops.

"Mikiya, you come over my place tonight."

"Huh? Why, all of a sudden?"

Shiki pulls me saying that it doesn't matter.

It is indeed easier to stay at Shiki's place since it's nearby, but I don't feel like doing so out of morality.

"It's fine. You don't have anything in you room either. It's boring even if I do go. Or are you telling me there's something I have to do there?"

I know there's no such thing. I said so knowing that, so there shouldn't be anything for Shiki to say back... or at least I think so. But Shiki looks at me as if I'm the cause of the problem.

"Strawberry."

"Huh?"

"Two strawberry Haagen Dasz. It's still there after you brought it. Finish off that thing, man."

"... I guess I did buy that."

Yes I did. It was something I bought because it was so hot while walking to Shiki's place. But why did I buy that thing? With it being almost September and all...

Well, I don't care about small things. I guess my only choice is to obey Shiki. But just obeying is a bit irritating, so I decide to strike back a little.

Shiki has a vulnerable point where when I say this, Shiki gets mad but cannot say anything back.

Even though it is a wish from the bottom of my heart, Shiki has yet to take my advice.

"All right, I'll spend the night. But Shiki..."

I say with a straight face to Shiki, who looks at me.

"You shouldn't talk like that. You're a girl, you know."

Being said that, Shiki looks away angrily.

-------------------------------------------------------------

/Overlooking view

That day, I chose to take the main street to go home. It was just on a whim, a very rare thing for me to do.

When I was walking through the buildings I see everyday, someone came crashing down. A wet crushing sound that you will normally never hear. It was obvious that the person died after falling off one of the buildings. A crimson color spreads across the ground. The only thing that's left noticeable was the dark, black hair, and the thin, white, weak-looking arms and legs... And the smashed up face. The whole scene was surrounded by the old summer, and it reminded me of a pressed flower that has flattened out from being in between a book.

I knew who it was. Hypnos (Sleep) returned after all by turning into Thanatos (reality). Walking on ignoring the people gathering, Azaka catches up to me.

"Tohko-san. That was suicide by jumping off that building."

"Yeah, I guess so," I answer vaguely.

To be honest, I had no interest. No matter what the will of the suicider is, a suicide will be treated as a suicide. Her last will can be summed up with one word, not flight or floating, but by the word "fall". What's there is only misery, and there's no way you can be interested in that.

"I heard there was a lot of that last year, but is it occuring a lot again? I don't get what these people think about. Do you know, Tohko-san?'

"Yeah," I answer vaguely again

I answer while looking up at the sky, as if looking at an image not there.

"There's no reason for suicide. It's just that she wasn't able to fly today."

Part 1

April, 1995
I met her.

2. Murder Study (...... and nothing heart) -Ryohgi Shiki-

------------------------------------------

/1

I decide to take a walk tonight again. It's because it's pretty cool for being at the end of the summer and it feels like autumn is coming.

"Ojou-sama, please come home early tonight."

Akitaka, my servant, says so while I am putting on my shoes at the entrance. How uninteresting. Ignoring his monotonous vioce, I go out the entrance.

Going past the garden, I walk through the gate. Once I exit the mansion, there is no streetlight outside. Only darkness surrounds me. A deep night without any sound. The date is about to change from August 31 to September 1. There is a slight wind, and the bamboos around the mansion make a rustling sound. ... As if to give me a bad image in my head. A walk in this kind of silence is the only thing I, Shiki, like to do.

As the night gets deeper, so does the darkness. I think I walk through the empty town because I want to be alone. Or is it because I want to think I'm alone? ... Either way, it's a stupid question. It's impossible for me to be alone in this world.

... Going off the main street, I walk into a small alley.

I will be turning sixteen this year. If you say it in school terms, I am a first year in an ordinary private high school. No matter where I go for school, I have to remain at the mansion in the future. Then my education has no meaning. I decided to go there since I thought it was more efficient to go to a nearby school and reduce my transportation time. But maybe that turned out to be a mistake.

... The alley is darker than the main street. Only one streetlight flickers nervously.

Someone's face suddenly pops into my mind and I clinch my teeth. I feel restless lately, even during one of these walks. It's because I remember out of nowhere about that guy from time to time.

... Even in high school, my environment didn't change. No matter what grade they are in, people do not come near me. I don't exactly know why but I think I show too much of how I think in my attitude. I don't like people. I could not like them since I was a child. I even do not like myself because unfortunately, I am a human too. That's why I cannot be nice to people when they talk to me. ... It's not that I detest them, but that's how the people around me thought. The word spread across campus quickly and within a month, nobody tried to communicate with me. I like a quiet environment too, so I have won an ideal environment.

But the ideal was not perfect. There is one student in my class that treats me, Ryohgi Shiki, as a friend. That guy with a last name like a French poet was a nuisance to me. A real nuisance indeed.

... I saw a person under a streetlight far away.

... What a thing for me. I remembered that guy's smile.
... That person's behavior was suspicious.

... Thinking back to it later, why did I...
... I followed the person for some reason.

... Why did I feel such a surge of violent excitement?

***

Deep in the back alley, it was an another world. The dead end functioned as a room more than as a road. This thin road surrounded by the walls of the buildings must be an area without sunlight even during the daytime. In this blind spot of town, a homeless guy should be living there. But not anymore. On the surrounding walls are brand new paint. This small alley is filled with something wet. The rotten smell of trash you usually smell in here is contaminated by an even stronger smell.

The sea of blood is around me. What appeared to be red paint is actually human blood. The blood is still flowing and filling up the alley. The smell is from this red liquid. In middle of it all is a human corpse. I can't see its expression. It seems his arms and legs were cut off and he looks more like a sprinkler showering out blood.

This place is not normal. Even the black of the night is covered with the redness of the blood.

... In it all, Shiki is smiling. The sleeves of the light blue kimono is red. Kneeling down and touching the blood flowing on the ground, Shiki streaks it across her lips. The blood drips down her lips and her body shakes from rapture. That is the first lipstick Shiki has ever put on.

Part 2

/2

Summer vacation ended and new term has started.

Nothing has really changed in my school life. I guess the only thing changed is how the students are dressed, as they start to wear more as Autumn approaches. As for me, I have never worn anything other than a kimono. Akitaka would bring me cute cloth that a sixteen year old girls might wear, but I never thought about actually wearing them.

Fortunately, this school doesn't have uniforms, so I could stay in my kimono. I actually wanted a long-sleeved kimono, but with that I'll spend the whole PE class just to change. So I made do with a Ukata-like single-piece kimono. I wondered what I should do about the cold during winter-time, but I found a solution to that yesterday.

... It happened during the breaks in between classes. I was questioned when I was in my seat.

"Aren't you cold, Shiki?"

"I'm not cold right now but I guess it should start to feel cold soon."

The person in front of me frowns, as if he's figured out I'm planning to be in my kimono during the winter too.

"You're gonna be wearing that thing even during winter?"

"Probably. But I'll be fine because I'll be wearing something over it."

I said so trying to end the conversation. That person walks away being surprized there's something that can be worn over a kimono, but I was also surprized by my answer I came up with. In the end, I went out to buy a coat. I bought a leather blouson as it seems to be the warmest. I'll wear it in the wintertime, but it will stay in my closet until then.

I ended up eating lunch together with this guy, being invited and all. The place is at the rooftop of the school building and I could see many other groups of students around me... a pair of a man and a woman, a group just like us. While I am looking at them, he talks to me. I was going to ignore it, but a word caught my attention.

"... Huh?"

"I said murder. It happened on the last day of the summer vacation, in the western part of the shopping district. It's not on the new yet though."

"Murder... that's not peaceful..."

"Yeah, and the content is sick too. The killer cut off this guys arms and legs and just left him there. I heard the whole place was a sea of blood and they had to close off the alley with boards. And the killer is still on the loose."

"Only arms and legs? Can a human die with just that?"

"Of course, from loss of blood. In this case, I would assume the shock death came first."

He talks while eating. In contrast to his calm looking face, he likes to talk about this kind of stuff. I guess one of his relative is in the police or something. ... I bet he isn't of a too high rank since he's letting out confidential matters.

"Oh, sorry Shiki. I guess it doesn't concern you."

"It's not that it concerns me. But Kokutoh-kun..."

I complain to the guy questioning me as I close my eyes.

"That's not something we should dicuss during meals."

"You're right," nods Kokutoh. ...Geez. Now I don't have any appetite to eat this tomato sandwich I just bought.

The first summer in high school ended by hearing a strange rumor like that one. The season slowly moves into autumn. For Ryohgi Shiki, the life that seems just a bit different than what it used to be is about to head into the cold winter.

It has been raining since this morning. In the sound of the rainfall, I am walking in the hallway. There isn't many students walking in the school building now that classes are over. Since the killer incident that Kokutoh was talking about has been publicized, the school has banned all club activities. I think it's the fourth case this month. I'm sure because Akitaka said so in the car this morning. They have no idea of the killer nor do they have any motive the killer might have. All the victims have no connection points, except for the fact that they were all out late at night. I guess it's not that much of a big deal if it happened somewhere far away, but it's a different story when it happens in the town you're living in. All the students go home before dark and everyone, including boys, go home together in groups. Since the cops patrol starting around nine, I haven't been able to take my night walks to my satisfaction.

"Four victims..."

I murmur.

All the four scenes, I have...

"Ryohgi-san."

Someone suddenly calls my name. Turning around, I see a guy I have never seen before. He's wearing blue jeans and a white shirt, very plain. He has a calm face too... he must be an upperclassman.

"Yes? What is it?"

"You don't have to glare at me like that. Are you looking for Kokutoh-kun?"

With an artificial-looking smile, the man says a ridiculous thing.

"I'm about to go home. Kokutoh-kun has nothing to do with this."

"Really? You're wrong. You don't understand, that's why you're irritated. You shouldn't take it out on others too much because of that. It's easy to blame things on someone... it grows to be a habit. Hahaha, isn't four times a bit too much though?"

"... Huh?"

Without knowing, I take a step back.

The man has on an artificial smile. A smile just like me, how satisfied-looking and yet...

"I wanted to talk to you in the end. Now that I've done that, I need to go. Bye."

The man walks away just leaving the sounds of his footsteps. Not even looking at him go, I head to the entrance. Changing shoes and going outside, the rain meets me. Akitaka, who is supposed to pick me up, is not here yet. He usually drives me home on rainy days, but I guess he's late today. It's too troublesome to change my shoes again, so I decide to wait by the stairs to the entrance.

The faint rain is clowding the schoolground. My breath is white from the coldness in December. ...I don't know how long it was but when I noticed, Kokutoh was beside me.

"I have an umbrella."

"I'm fine, I have a ride home. You can go home."

"I'll get going in a bit. I want to stay here until then... can I?"

I didn't answer. He nods and leans against the wall. He's not the type who cares about his cloth getting dirty. I am not in the mood to talk with Kokutoh. I'm determined to ignore anything he says so it would make no difference if he's here or not.

In the rain, I just waited. It's strangely quiet... only the raindrops fill my ears. Kokutoh did not talk. Leaning on the wall, he has his eyes closed. I thought he was asleep, but it seems he's singing in a small voice. I guess it's a popular song. Later when I asked Akitaka, I found out the song was called "Singing in the Rain".

Kokutoh doesn't talk. There's less than one meter between us. Being this close together without a conversation makes me a bit restless. But it wasn't surprizingly painful. ... How strange, why is this silence so heartwarming? But I suddenly grew scared. I felt that if we stayed like this, "he" would come out.

"... Kokutoh-kun!"

"Yes!?"

He jolts up from the wall.

"What? Is something wrong?"

I can see myself in his eyes looking at me. Probably, at this time... I actually looked at this person called Kokutoh Mikiya for the first time. Not as an observation. He has soft facial features with some childish remenence left. He has big, deep black eyes. He has natural hair like his character... not dyed or jelled. He wears black glasses that even kids would not wear nowadays. His plain clothing is black from top to bottom. I guess that's his style. I just wondered... ...why does this person always meddles with me?

"Until now..."

Looking down, I try not to look at him.

"Where were you?"

"I was in the student council room before I came here. Since our Senpai is withdrawing from school, we kind of has this small going-away party. He's called Shirazumi Rio, but it took me by surprize. He requested to withdraw from school cause he said he found something he wanted to do, and he was a quiet peron and all."

Shirazumi Rio... I don't think I've heard that name. But I do know how Kokutoh knows a lot of people that would get him into parties like that. He's only seen as a friend from classmates, but he has a small popularity among older girls.

"I invited you too. I told you yesterday but you never showed up at the student coucil room. I even went to the classroom to look, but you weren't there."

Certainly, he told me something like that yesterday. But I'll only spoil the party if I went... and I thought he was just being polite when he asked.

"I'm surprized. You meant that invitation?"

"Of course. What were you thinking, Shiki?"

Kokutoh gets mad. Not because his promise was broken, but probably because I thought that way. I can only dislike his anger because it's something I have never experienced before. I grew quiet from that moment on. I don't think I wanted Akitaka to come this bad as today. A bit later, the car drove up and I said goodbye to Kokutoh.

***

The rain finally stopped during nighttime. Shiki puts on the red leather blouson and goes outside. Above is a cloudy sky. The moon glimpses through the holes in the clouds from time to time. In the city, police are patrolling busily. It's a bit troublesome to run into them, so I decide to go to the riverside.

The wet ground reflects the streetlamps. It glows like the remains of a slug. I hear a train pass in the distance. The echoing sound tells me that the viaduct is near. The viaduct must be built to let the train cross and not people.

... I find someone there.

Slowly, Shiki heads to the viaduct.

The train passes by once again. It's probably the last one today. The sound is much larger than before now and echoes in the surrounding. She covers her ears as if to protect herself from the deepness of the sound. As the train goes away, it grows stragely quiet under the viaduct. Under the viaduct without any streetlamps or a way for the moonlight to get in, it is pitch black.

That might be why even the red liquid spilled around this riverside looks black. This is the fifth scene of the murder. The corpse is made so it looks like a flower. With the face at the center, the arms and legs are put around it like flower petals. Arms and legs cut off just like the head is bent up, showing much more flower-like attributes. ... But it's a shame it still looks more like a manji.

In the grasses, an artificial flower is casted away. Because of the spilling blood, the flower is red in color. ... Getting used to this... that's what she thought to herself. Swallowing, she notices she is extremely thirsty. Is it because of the tension or the excitement? The burning in the throat is really hot. This place is filled with death and Shiki's lips makes a smile. Holding down her ecstasy, Shiki continues to stare at the corpse. ... Feeling she is alive just at this instant.

Part 3

/3

It is a custom for the successor of the Ryohgi family to have a match with the master using a real sword at the beginning of each month. The head of the Ryohgi household many generations ago got tired of inviting many masters from abroad, so he made a dojo in his own house and made many new schools. This is passed on until today and unfortunately, even a girl like me is required to use swords.

Finishing the match against my father who surpassed me in both skill and strength, I head to my room. The distance between the dojo and the main house building is far, as far as a gym would be from the school building to give a comparison. I walk on the wooden floor which does not creak even once. On the way, Akitaka was waiting for me. Akitaka, who is my servant, should be at least ten years older than me. He was probably waiting for me to help me change out of my sweaty clothes.

"Good job Did your father say anything?"

"Same as always. Get lost, Akitaka. I can change by myself. You too, you're not like my personal servant. It's better for you to go to my older brother. In the end, it's the man that's succeeding."

Akitaka smiles at my harsh words.

"No, there can be no other successor than you. You brother did not inherit your nature."

"What's so good about this nature?"

I leave Akitaka and head back to the building. Locking myself up in my room, I take my gi off. Then I stare at the mirror. ... What's there is a woman's body. If I put some make-up on and look scary, I might look like a guy. But there's nothing you can do about the body. My body that grows every day is making SHIKI go into despair.

"Maybe I should have been born a guy."

I talk aloud to no one. No, there is someone I can talk to... inside me, another personality called SHIKI. All children of the Ryohgi family is prepared two different names with the same sound. The name of the yin, a name as a man. The name of the yang, a name as a woman. Since I was born female, I was named Shiki, which means equation or form. If I would have been born male, I would have been named SHIKI, which means to weave. Why do we do this? It's because the Ryohgi family gives off children with split personalities with a high probability. ... A person just like me.

Father said the Ryohgi family has the heredity of a transcedent race. He also mentioned that it is a curse. ... It is indeed a curse. To me, this is not transcedent but just abnormal. Fortunately, no successor was of this nature for a few generations. The reason is simple... they all ended up in the mental hospital before maturity. It's very dangerous to have two personalities in one body. The boundary between realities becomes vague and there are many cases where they committed suicide. But in it all, I grew up without showing any sign of insanity. It's because me and SHIKI ignored each other.

The right to the ownership of the body is completely mine. SHIKI is only a substitue personality. Just like how I switched to his personality for the match earlier since his aggressive personality fits the situation. Come to think of it, me and SHIKI are existing at the same time. This is different than what people call split personality. I am Shiki, but at the same time, I am also SHIKI. It's just that I have the ownership of the body.

Father was happy that he could produce the rightful successor of the Ryohgi family in his generation. That's why I'm treated as the successor disregarding my male brother. That's fine, I take what's given to me. I probably thought I would lead this somewhat distorted normal life forever. I knew I could only lead such a life...

... Yes, even if SHIKI is a killing monster, I am not able to make him disappear. Since I have "SHIKI" in me, I am Shiki just like him.

Part 4

Murder Study/

1

"Mikiya, is it true that you're going out with Ryohgi?"

I almost spew out my coffee milk to Gakuto's words. I look around while coughing. Fortunately, the lunchtime classroom is loud and no one seems to have heard Gakuto's nonsense.

"What do you mean by that, Gakuto?"

Gakuto looks rather amazed when I question him.

"What are you saying? It's a known fact for everyone that Kokutoh of class 1-C has a crush on Ryohgi. The only ones who doesn't know are you two."

I think I frowned to those words.

It's been seven months since I first met Shiki. It's already November, right near winter.

... Certainly it's not weird for anyone to start going out after that much time.

"Gakuto, that's just a misunderstanding. We're just friends, and nothing more."

"Really?"

The hopeful of the judo club frowns his face. In contrast to his name, which means "educated person", this friend of mine since elementary school is the athletic type. From our long relationship, he must have figured out I wasn't lying.

"But you call her by her first name. There's no way that Ryohgi would allow just a classmate to call her like that."

"Hey now. Shiki doesn't like that. She glared at me when I called her Ryohgi-san before. People say you can kill someone by looking at them, but Shiki has that potential. Anyways, she says she hates people calling her by her last name, so she says it's fine if I just call her "you". But since I didn't like that, I compromised with "Shiki-san". She didn't like that either, so it ended up with just Shiki. How is this boring truth."

Telling Gakuto about what happened in April, he agrees that it indeed was a boring development.

"I see. That sure is an unromantic story."

Gakuto says so disappointedly. ...What kind of an answer was he hoping for?

"So that thing last week at the school entrance was nothing either? Damn, it was a waste of time coming here. I should've stayed in my classroom and ate lunch."

"... Hold on. How do you know about that?"

"I told you that you guys are famous. Everyone at the school already knows you and Ryohgi were getting shelter from the rain together by the entrance last Saturday. Since its Ryohgi, even small things like that catches everyone's attention."

I sigh and look up. All I can hope for now is that Shiki will never hear about this.

"This is a school to get you ready for college right? I'm starting to wonder if everyone's really studying."

"According to the teachers, employment rate is good for students who graduated from here."

... I have to question at how this school is run.

"But man, why Ryohgi? It just doesn't fit you."

I remember being said something like that by my Senpais.

They told me a quiet, gentle girl would suit me. I guess Gakuto is on the same line too.

... I get a bit angry.

"Shiki isn't such a scary girl."

I let it slip out my mouth..

Gakuto grins. ...He looks like he knows I didn't mean to say that out loud.

"What do you mean she's just your friend? That's definitely a hard girl. The fact that you don't see it is proof that you're too crazy about that girl."

He must mean hard-headed when he says hard. I know he's right, but I didn't want to just give in and nod.

"I already know that."

"Then what's so good about her? Her looks?"

Gakuto is holding nothing back.

Indeed Shiki is beautiful. But with that aside, Shiki attracts me. Shiki always seems like she's about to get hurt. In reality, she's firm enough not to get hurt, but she seems to be really fragile. That's probably why I can't ignore her. I don't want to see her get hurt.

"It's just that you don't notice. Even Shiki has her cute points. ...Let's see, if I suppose her as an animal, she's cute enough to be a rabbit."

Saying that... I regret I did.

"Don't be stupid. She's definitely in the cat family, and probably the beast ones too. A rabbit is too far off, just too far. Is Ryohgi the one that would die out of lonliness?"

Gakuto laughs his ass off.

But I think she's like a rabbit in that she doesn't become attached to people and how she looks at others from a distance. ... Huh, if that's just me, then fine.

"All right. I won't talk to you about girls anymore."

Gakuto quits laughing once I tell him that.

"You might be right. A rabbit suits her well."

"Gakuto, a frank agreement is rather offensive."

"I mean it. I remembered that rabbits were dangerous too. In this world, there are rabbits that chop off your head if you're unlucky."

I hesitate being said that in a serious tone.

"That's a pretty amazing rabbit."

Gakuto nods.

"Of course, cause I'm talking about the world of gaming."

Part 5

/2

I saw an unbelievable thing on the day the exam ended for the second quarter.

There was a letter in my desk. No, that itself isn't too weird. The problem is the sender and its content. To put it simply, it was from Shiki, asking me out on a date.

It sounded like a threat telling me to take her out somewhere tomorrow. I went home all confused and waited for the next day to come, feeling like a samurai told to kill himself the next day.

"Yo, Kokuto."

That was the first word Shiki said to me when she came. She came to our meeting place, the dog statue in front of the station, with a red leather jacker over her kimono. More than her outfit, I was confused by how she spoke.

"Did ya wait? Sorry man. It took me awhile to shake off Akitaka."

She says so as if it's natural for her to say so.

She sounds like a guy, not like the Shiki I know. Not being able to answer, I check her figure again. There's nothing different in her looks. She has a small body, but because of her valient gestures, she looks powerful... no, rather graceful. She has the unbalanceness of a lively puppet, a puppet made so well just on the outside.

"What? You angry just cause I'm an hour late? You're pretty intolerant, man."

Shiki looks at me with her black eyes. Her beautiful short black hair. A small face and big eyes, they both are beautiful. The black eyes are reflecting the figure of Kokutoh Mikiya, but it seems to be seeing something farther away. ... Come to think of it, I was attracted to these eyes since that snowy day when we met

"Um... you're Shiki, right?"

"Yeah", Shiki laughs. A strange smile that's more like a grin.

"What else do I look like? We're wasting time like this. Come on, take me somewhere. I'll let you decide, Kokuto."

Saying that, Shiki starts to walk taking my arm forcefully.

... She said she'll let me decide, but since I was confused, I didn't even notice that she was leading the way...

We walked a lot.

Shiki didn't do much shopping, but she would go into a store in the department store and look around, and goes to the next one when she gets bored. My request to take a rest at the cafe or a movie theater was denied. ... But she's right. It would have been boring to go to such places with the way Shiki is acting right now.

Shiki talked a lot. If I'm not mistaken, she seemed excited. How should I say this... she's mentally high?

Most of the stores she went to were cloth-oriented, but I was relieved every one of them were store for women. Shiki must have gotten tired from looking through four department stores in four hours, as she says she wants to eat.

We wander around and end up in a fast food joint. Shiki takes off her jacket once she takes a seat. She catches peoples attention with that kimono outfit but it seems she doesn't care at all. Making up my mind, I ask her about what I've been wondering all this time.

"Shiki, you actually talk like that all the time?"

"In my case. But there's no meaning in how someone talks. Even you can change that."

Shiki eats the hamburger like it doesn't taste good.

"Well, this kind of thing never happened before. Today's the first that I came outside. I didn't say anything until now cause I had the same opinion as Shiki."

... I don't get it at all.

"Let's see... It's a split personality to put it simply. I'm SHIKI and the normal one is Shiki. SHIKI is from the word weaved cloth. But Shiki and I are not different people. The only difference between us is the prioriteis of things. The ranks of what we like are different."

Saying that, she writes on her napkin using her wet fingers. The white finger writes the word Shiki and SHIKI.

"I wanted to talk with Kokuto, that's all. Since it's not something Shiki wanted to do, I'm doing it in her place. Do ya understand?"

"Well, kind of."

I answer uneasily. But I actually have felt what SHIKI is talking about. I think something similar to that happened to me before. Before I entered high school, I have met Shiki, but she said she didn't remember about it. At that time I thought she said that because she hated me, but if that's the case, it makes sense.

No, more than that. Being with her all today, she isn't anyone else but Shiki. As Shiki, no, as SHIKI says, she only talks differently, but her actions are the same. They are so similar I'm starting to feel there's nothing different about her now.

"But why did you tell me about that?"

"I thought I wouldn't be able to hide it from ya much longer."

Shiki takes another drink. She puts her mouth on the straw and lets go quickly... Shiki doesn't like cold things.

"To be honest, I'm like Shiki's subversive impulse. Something that she wants to do the most. But up to now, there was no one I wanted to do so to. It's because Ryohgi Shiki had no interest in anyone."

SHIKI says so like she's not interested. I could not move, being stared at by those deep black eyes.

"Yeah, but you can be rest assured. I'm still Shiki. I'm just saying what Shiki thinks. Like I told ya, we just talk differently. ... Well, but we're beginning to get out of line, so don't take me too seriously."

"Out of line? ... You mean you and Shiki get in a fight?"

"Hey, how can you get in a fight with yourself? No matter what I do, it has to be something we both wanted, so we both have no complaints. No matter how much I fight, Shiki has control over this body. I'm seeing you like this because Shiki thought it was all right too. ... Well, she'll probably regret saying things like this. It's not something Shiki would say, right?"

I agree.

SHIKI laughs.

"I like those kind of things about you. But Shiki doesn't. That's what I mean by being out of line."

...? What does that mean? Does Shiki not like the fact that I don't think too much? Or does Shiki not like the fact that she's liking that part of me? I don't know why, but I somehow thought it had to be the latter.

"That's all of the explanation. That's it for today."

Standing up suddenly, SHIKI puts on the leather jacket.

"Seeya. I like you, so I'll see you again pretty soon."

Putting the money for the hamburger on the table, SHIKI leaves quickly.

Parting with SHIKI and coming back to my town, the sun is setting already. Because of all the murder incidents going on recently, not many people are out even though the sun's only setting.

When I get home, my cousin, Daisuke Nii-san is there. I was tired from all that talk with SHIKI, so I go to the kotatsu and put my legs in it. Daisuke Nii-san also has his legs in there so we end up fighting for the small space inside without a word. In the end, I couldn't lay down, so I just had to get up.

"Aren't you busy, Daisuke-san?"

I ask him while taking a manderine off the table. Daisuke Nii-san asnwers "Yeah".

"It's five people in three months, of course we're busy. I'm too busy I can't even go home to sleep. I have to get going in about an hour again."

Daisuke Nii-san is a police officer. I don't know why this lazy person has such an unsuited job.

"How's the investigation going?"

"It's all right. There weren't any clues until now but the killer finally left us something. Well, it does seem intentional though."

Saying that, Daisuke Nii-san lifts up his face. His serious face is right in front of mine.

"What I'm telling you is confidential. I'm going to tell you because this isn't something that's irrelevant to you. I told you about the first victim, right?"

Then, Daisuke Nii-san starts to describe the second and the third murder scene. ... I listen closely while hoping not all policemen in this world lets out confidential matters this easily.

The second victim had its body cut vertically. From its head down to its groin. The weapon used is unknown. One of the cut halves was stuck to the wall.

The third victim had its arms and legs cut off, and the arms were sewen onto the legs.

The fourth victim had its body cut into pieces and had some word-like symbol stamped on it.

The fifth victim looked like a manji using its arms and legs.

"It's easy to understand that the killer is abnormal."

Saying so while trying to hold back my vomit, Daisuke Nii-san agrees.

"I think it's a bit intentional though when it's too easy to understand, but what do you think?"

"... Let's see. I don't think it matters every one of them is killed by being cut apart. I can't say anything else, but..."

"But?"

"I just thought the killer is getting used to this. The next one might not be outside."

"You're right." Daisuke Nii-san covers his face with his hands.

"There's no motive and there's no rules. It's only happening outside right now but this is a kind of a guy that would even come indoors. If this killer can't find anyone out at night, there's more motive for the killer to go into someone's house. I just wish the higher ranked guys would take that into consideration and be prepared for it."

"Well..." Daisuke Nii-san changes the subject.

"We found this by the fifth victim."

Daisuke Nii-san places our school badge on the table. It's considered unimportant with us not having uniforms and all, but we are required to wear this somewhere on us when going to school.

"I don't know if the killer didn't notice this because the scene of the crime was a grassy field or if the killer intentionally put this there. But either way, there has to be a meaning behind this. I might go over to your place sometime soon."

Making a cop-like face, he says an ominous thing.

Part 6

/3

The winter vacation ended in a flash. The only thing that happened was I went to the shrine on new year with Shiki. But I think I led a normal life other than that.

When the third term started, Shiki isolated herself even more. She had that rejection air around her that even I noticed.

After making sure everyone else has left and going to the classroom, SHIKI would always be there. She doesn't do anything but just stares out the window. I haven't been invited or called to come here. But I just can't leave this fragile girl alone, so I keep her company meaninglessly.

The sun sets early in the wintertime and the classroom is tinted red. In this classroom filled with just the color red and black, SHIKI is leaning against the window.

"Did I tell you that I hate people?"

Today, SHIKI starts to talk mindlessly.

"That's the first time I heard that... do you mean that?"

"Yeah, Shiki hates people. She was like that from when she was small. ... You see, when you're a child, you don't know anything. You think the whole world would love you unconditionally. Since you like them, they must like you... that feels like common sense."

"You're right. You never doubt anything when you're small. You unconditionally love them and you think it's only natural for them to love you back. The only thing I was scared of were ghosts. Even though I'm scared of people now."

SHIKI nods in agreement.

"But that's a very important thing. You need to be pure, Kokuto. Since you only concern about yourself when you're small, you won't notice other people's bad minds. Even if it's just a misunderstanding, the feeling of love you receive makes you be able to be kind to others. Since people can only express the emotions they have."

The sunset illuminates her face red. At this moment, I cannot tell if she is SHIKI or Shiki, but it has no meaning at all which she is. Either way, this is just Shiki's monologue.

"But I'm different. I knew someone else since I was born. Since Shiki has SHIKI inside of her, she knew of others. She found out that there's other people who think differently and that they do not love you unconditionally. Since she found out as a child how ugly other people are, she could not love them. In time. she grew to pay them no attention. The only emotion Shiki has is rejection."

... That's why she hates people. SHIKI says so with her eyes. ... I feel like crying without reason.

"But wasn't she lonely like that?"

"Why? Shiki has me. It's certainly lonely by yourself but Shiki isn't alone. She was isolated, but she wasn't alone."

SHIKI says so with a resolute face. There's no bluff in it and it seems she really is satisfied with that.

But really...?

Yet really...?

"But Shiki is acting weird recently. She has an abonormality in her called me, but she wants to deny me. Denying is my domain, and Shiki is supposed to be only able to affirm."

SHIKI laughs asking why that might be. It's a brutal looking smile.

"Kokuto, have you ever wanted to kill someone?"

At that instance, the sun makes her face look red and made my heart jump.

"Not so far. The most I've ever wanted was wanting to punch someone."

"I see. But I only have that feeling."

Her voice echoes through the classroom.

"...... Huh?"

"I told you. Humans can only show emotions that they have experienced. I take on the forbidden taboos inside Shiki. What's low on Shiki's priorities is high on mine. I am content with that and I know that's why I exist. I am the personality that takes on Shiki's supressed intentions. That's why I've always killed my will. I have been killing the dark side called SHIKI. I have killed myself over and over. See? The only thing I've experienced is killing things."

Then, she walks away from the window. Why, why do I think the person walking toward me silently is scary?

"So Kokuto, the definiton of murder for Shiki is..."

A voice murmuring by my ear...

"... Is to eliminate, in self defense anything that tries to open her up."

Smiling, SHIKI leaves the classroom. It was an innocent smile that one would give after playing a trick on you...

On lunch break the next day...

When I asked Shiki if she wanted to have lunch with me, she looked really surprized. At this time, she showed me her surprized expression for the first time since I have met her.

"What a thing..."

Saying that, Shiki accepts my request. We head to the rooftop following Shiki's request. She is following silently behind me. Her silent stare is stabbing into my back. Maybe she's mad at me... no, she definitely is. ... Even I know what she meant by those words yesterday. It's her last warning telling me not to be involved with her, and that she doesn't know what she'll do if I did. But Shiki does not understand. That's something Shiki has always told me without words unconsciously, and I have already gotten used to it. When we get to the rooftop, no one is there. I guess being January and all, nobody else wanted to eat in this cold weather.

"It's cold, do you want to eat somewhere else?"

"No, I want to eat here. If you want to go somewhere else, please go ahead."

I tilt my head to Shiki's polite tone. We sit by the wall to avoid the wind. Shiki just sits there without opening her bread. In contrast, I have already finished my second sandwich.

"Why did you talk to me?"

Shiki's murmur is so sudden that I could not catch her words.

"Did you say something, Shiki?"

"I said, why are you so carefree?"

She says so with glaring eyes.

"That's terrible. I've been called excessively honest, but I've never been called carefree."

"I guess everyone was holding back."

Convinced selfishly, Shiki opens her egg sandwich. The sound of the wrapper suited the cold rooftop. Shiki sits there silently and nibbles on her sandwich. I have nothing to do as I'm already done. I think a meal needs to be accompanied by a conversation.

"Shiki, you must be a bit mad."

"... A bit?"

She glares at me. I scold myself in my mind for not thinking before I said something.

"I don't understand but I get irritated when you're there. Why you involve yourself with me, why you don't act differently after being said all that yesterday, there's all those things I don't understand."

"I don't know the reason either. It's fun being with you but if you ask me why it's fun, I can't answer. Well, if you talk about yesterday, I guess you can say I'm optimistic."

"Kokutoh-kun, do you understand that I'm abnormal?"

I can only nod to those words. Her split personality is real and it is indeed not normal.

"Yeah, it's indeed not normal."

"Right. So then you should understand that I am not someone you could associate with normally."

"Abnormal or not, it doesn't matter when hanging out."

Shiki stops all movement. She stops time as if she's even forgotten how to breathe.

"But I cannot be like you."

Saying that, Shiki slides her fingers through her hair. Her kimono sways and I notice the bandage wrapped around her thin arm. The bandage wrapped around near her right elbow is quite new.

"Shiki, that wound..."

Before I get a chance to finish, Shiki stands up.

"If you don't understand with SHIKI's words, I'll tell you myself."

Shiki talks while looking off into the distance.

"If we keep this up, I will probably end up killing you."

... How could I have replied to those words?

After that, Shiki goes to the classroom leaving her trash behind. Being left alone, I first clean up the mess.

"... Geez, this is just like Gakuto said."

I remember the conversation I had with Gakuto. Like Gakuto said, I might be stupid. I could not hate Shiki even after she completely rejected me. No, my mind has rather cleared up. There can only be one reason why it's fun being with Shiki.

"I already went mad a long time ago."

... Yeah, why didn't I notice this earlier?

... That I love Shiki so much that I can even laugh off her telling me she wants to kill me.

Part 7

/4

It's the first Sunday in February. Waking up and going to the dining room, Daisuke Nii-san is there, about to leave.

"Oh, you were here?"

"Yo. I just came to sleep cause I missed the last train, but I'm gotta go to work now. I envy you students, your promise for vacation is always kept."

He looks like he hasn't had enough sleep. I bet he's busy with all the new information on that serial killer.

"You were talking about coming to my school, but what happened to that?"

"It seems we'll have to go there again. To tell you the truth, there was a sixth victim three days ago. I guess this victim struggled hard and we found the killer's skin in her nails. Women have long nails so I guess she scratched the killer's arm pretty bad. Maybe it was a desperate move but the scratch has to be deep. The skin we found was about 3 centimeters. (about 1 inch)."

His information is a new one not even on TV or the newspaper. But I am shocked for a different reason. ... I think it's because in the past few days, Shiki has been using the omnious word of "killing" quite a number of times. Why else would I imagine for an instant that Shiki would be this killer?

"... Scratch, you mean the killer has a wound?"

"Of course. Do you think the victim would scratch her own arm? We already figured out the skin is from around the elbow area. We have the blood diagnozed so the killer is done for now."

Daisuke Nii-san leaves. With power escaping my legs, I crumble onto the chair. Three days ago was the day I had that conversation with SHIKI in the setting sun. I think when I saw her the next day, the bandage was around her elbow...

***

Right around mid-day, I figure out it's no good just sitting here and thinking. Instead of thinking, I can just go to Shiki and ask her. If she tells me her wound is nothing related to it, this uneasiness would go away.

I decide to visit Shiki's house using the school's contact guide. Her house is on the outskirt of town a station away from here. When I finally find her house, the sun is already setting. The mansion with bamboo trees surrounding it is oriental-styled. I cannot tell the size of this place just by walking. I won't be able to tell exactly how big it is unless I get in a plane and get an overhead view of this place. Walking through the bamboo woods on a path, I get to a big gate. I'm a bit relieved this old looking place has an intercom. Pushing it and saying what I came here for, a man in a black suit appears. I find out that this man around his thirties is Shiki's servant. This person called Akitaka talks with a stranger like me with manners. Unfortunately, Shiki isn't home. He offers me to stay and wait but I refuse. To be honest, I don't have the guts to go into this place alone.

I decide to go home since the sun has already set. Getting to the station after an hour's walk, I run into Senpai by chance. Being invited by him, we eat at a nearby restaurant and end up talking until ten. Unlike Senpai, I am a student so I have to start heading home soon. After saying goodbye to Senpai, I buy the ticket for the train at the station. The time is almost eleven o'clock. I wonder for a second if Shiki is home already.

***

"What the hell am I doing?"

I say so to myself as I walk through the nighttime residential district. It's late at night without a sign of life. In this unfamiliar town, I don't understand why I'm going toward Shiki's house. Even though I know I won't be able to see her, I at least want to see the lights in her house. I walk in the chilly winter air. I exit the residentual district and end up facing a group of trees. I walk through the small road in the middle of it. Since there's no wind, the bamboos are silent. There's no streetlight, so the moonlight is my only guide. When I half-jokingly think what would happen if I got attacked here, the thought starts to fill me. The image gets stronger in my head in contrast to my mind wanting to get rid of it. When I was a kid, I was scared of ghosts. The shadows in between the bamboo looked like ghosts and I would be frightened. But now, I'm scared of other people. I'm only scared of the fact that someone might be hiding in the bushes. ...Since when did the unknown ghosts turn into other humans?

The more I try to calm down, the more the bad feeling seeps into me. ...Really, this bad feeling does not go away. Oh yeah, I think Shiki was saying the same thing before. I think that was... While I try to recall, I see something ahead of me.

"......"

I stop dead in my tracks. It's not my will, because at this time... my mind has just became empty.

A white figure stands few meters ahead. The white kimono that looks bright is covered with red spots. The red spots on the kimono expands. It's because the thing in front of her is spilling red liquid everywhere. The one in the white kimono is Shiki and the thing is not a fountain, but a dead person.

"........."

I cannot say anything. But I always thought about this somewhere in my mind. This image of Shiki standing in front of a dead body. That's why I'm not surprized or making a commotion. My mind is just completely blank. The body must have recently died... the blood would not flow out that much unless you cut its artery alive. The wound is on the neck and a cut in the body at an angle. Shiki is silently staring at the dead body. The color of the spilled blood is enough to make you faint, but its organs are spilling out from the cut and making the body look like a totally different thing. To me, it seems like something slimy is trying to have a human form, but it's doing such a bad job that it's hard to look at it. ... If you are a normal human being, there's no way you can. But Shiki is staring at the dead body. Blood gets on her ghost-like kimono. The spots look like red butterflies. The butterflies are flying toward Shiki's face too. The face covered with blood is deformed. Is it because of fear or pleasure? Is she Shiki... or SHIKI?

"..........."

I try to say something and I collapse onto the ground. I vomit. I vomit out everything in my stomach, stomach acid, and if I could this memory too... I vomit until I start to cry. But it's no good. It doesn't even make me feel better. The amount of blood is so much that the smell is overwhelming enough to seep into my brains.

Eventually, Shiki notices me. Her head turns to look at me. The expressionless face shows a smile. It's so pure it makes me rather clam. The smile reminds me of a mother. That smile is so unfitting to this whole scene that...

It rather makes me shiver.

I start to faint as she draws closer. I remember Shiki's words at the last moment.

... "Be careful Kokutoh-kun. A bad presentiment tends to attract bad reality."

... I guess I was stupid indeed. Because I tried not to think about this bad reality until the moment I see it in person...

Part 8

/5

I end up not going to school the next day. It's because I was found by a policeman while I stood at the scene of the crime absent-mindedly, and was taken into questioning.

I heard I could not say anything for a few hours. It took me about four hours before my mind returned... I guess my brain doesn't have that good of a recovery system. Anyways, after I was questioned and released, it was too late to go to school.

By how the man was killed, it's impossible to not have blood on your cloth. Fortunately, I did not have any blood on me and being the relative of Daisuke Nii-san, I think my questioning went rather smoothly. Daisuke Nii-san offered me a ride home so I take it.

"So you didn't see anyone, Mikiya?"

"You're being too persistant. I said I didn't see anyone."

I glare at Daisuke Nii-san and sit deep in my seat.

"I see. Damn! It would have helped if you've seen the killer... but I guess the killer wouldn't have let you go alive if you saw him. I can't let you die, so I guess it's a good thing for me you didn't see anyone."

"You're not a good policeman, Daisuke-san."

I hate myself for being able to respond to him in a normal tone. I call myself a liar in my head. ... I can't believe myself that I can lie with such a straight face. And this is police matters we're talking about here. If I don't tell the truth, things can only get worse. ... But still, I did not say anything about Shiki being at the scene of the crime.

"Well, I'm glad you're not hurt. So, what's your impression on the first dead body you saw?"

This mean person asks me such a question in this situation.

"Terrible. I don't ever want to see it again."

"This one is special. It's not as bad normally so be rest assured."

What does he want me to be assured on?

"But it's a small world we live in. I didn't know you knew the daughter of the Ryohgi family."

The fact that might make him happy gets me more depressed. ... The murder that happened in front of Ryohgi's house is treated as the same killer's work but the investigation stopped from there. Even the police left the territory of the Ryohgis after their inspection. From what he says, it's because of the pressure from the Ryohgis. It was recorded that this murder happened in between eleven and twelve at night on February third (Sunday), and the only witness is Kokutoh Mikiya. But it's recorded that I was there only after the crime has occured and that I was in a state of shock seeing the scene of the crime. The Ryohgi family and I have not said anything about Shiki.

"But didn't you investigate the people of the Ryohgi?"

Daisuke-san shakes his head to my question.

"The daughter of that place goes to your high school, so I wanted to ask them about it but they refused. They said they didn't care about what happened outside their house. But from the way I see it, they are innocent, they have nothing to do with the crime."

"Huh?"

I let it out without thinking. I trust Daisuke Nii-san even if it seems like I don't. It's even famous in the workplace that this person is not fired because of his superior skill. So that's why I thought he might suspect Shiki.

"Why do you think so?"

"Hmm, well... do you think such a beautiful girl would kill someone? You don't, right? I don't think so too. This is an obvious answer for as a guy."

... Why did he ever decide to be a policeman? No, more than that, I sigh at how much more carefree he is than me.

"I see. You'll be single for the rest of your life."

"Hey now, I can put you in jail."

I'll be released because of lack of proof. ... But I agree with his opinion. Even though I don't have the hunch like he does, it is my opinion that Shiki is not the killer. Even if she admits it herself, I believe she is not the one. So now, there is something I must do.

***

The crime neared it's solution.

Then from that day until that day three years later, the killer would cease to appear. For me at that time, that incident seemed like it did not concern me. But that happened to be the first and the last incident which involved both Shiki and me.

Part 9

A murder occured in front of my house. My memory of that night after I went to take a walk is vague. But if you connect the parts that I remember, what I must have done is obvious. SHIKI is the same way too, but I do not deal with blood too well. Just looking at it makes my mind go blank. The flowing blood of this victim was really beautiful. The stone road to my mansion, the space between the stones are like a maze and the red liquid going through that maze was filled with beauty I haven't seen before.

But that caused the misfortune. When I noticed, someone was throwing up behind me and it was Kokutoh Mikiya. I don't know why he was there and I did not even wonder at that time. But I think... I went back to the mansion after that, but it seems the crime was found out much later than that and nobody knows I was at the scene of the crime. Then was what I saw just a dream? There's no way that honest classmate would not tell about the killer. But why did it have to be in front of my house?

"SHIKI, is it you?"

I ask aloud but there's no answer. SHIKI and I are out of line. That feeling grows stronger every day. Even if I let SHIKI use my body, the one to decide is me but why is it that my memory is vague when I do so?

... Maybe, it's just that I don't realize it but I might be insane like everyone else of the Ryohgi bloodline. SHIKI would say "If you think you're abnormal, that's a fake." For an abnormal person, everyone else seems abnormal, so they would not question themselves. At least that's the way I was. Then that must mean I finally figured out the difference between me and the rest of the world after sixteen years. But who caused that?

"Please excuse me, Ojou-sama."

Akitaka says so after he knocks on the door.

"What is it?"

Akitaka opens the door with my word. It's almost bedtime, so Akitaka does not enter the room.

"It seems there's someone checking out the mansion."

"I heard from father that he got all the policemen out."

Akitaka nods.

"All the police are off the property since last night. I think it is someone else tonight."

"Do as you wish. It has nothing to do with me."

"But it seems the one outside is your friend from your school."

Being said that, I get up from my bed. I go to the window facing the mansion's gate and look outside. In the bamboo woods, there is a figure that I wish would hide more cleverly. ... It pisses me off.

"I can get him to go home if you wish."

"You can leave that thing aa it is."

I quickly make my way to the bed and lay down. Akitaka leaves after telling me goodnight. I cannot sleep even after turning off the lights and closing my eyes. There's nothing to do so I check outside the window again. Wearing a brown coat, Mikiya is shivering in the cold. It seems he's looking at the gate. ... He might be a great man as he has a pot of coffee by his feet.

I have to reject the idea that seeing Mikiya at that place is only a dream. Since he was actually there, he's here right now to check on me. I don't know what his motive is, but I think he's probably out to check who the killer is. ... Anyways, I get mad and bite my nail unknowingly.

Even the day after such a thing happ